I haven't advanced to buying and learning how to use a Netti pot. I am a big believer in Vick's Vapor Rub and Halls Cough Drops to open up my nasal passages. See how much nicer that phrase is than "open up my stuffed up nose". Funny thing about Vick's Vapor Rub, the product lasts so long, you can will it to your child. Honestly, my dad still has a pot of rub that my grandmother used in her battle against stuffed up noses.
My nose doesn't really work and I have a limited sense of smell. This is only a delusional advantage to a bachelor living in a bachelor pad when he wishes to invite over a friend with a well-developed olfactory sense. I have a few friends who have these elevated senses, including a woman who cannot stay in a Baymont Hotel because the sheets are not quite clean enough.
It occurred to me as I hiked around Hemlock Crossing, an Ottawa County, Michigan Park, I had a perpetually congested nose. In order to breath, I had to inhale through my mouth. This meant I was a mouthbreather, which I've heard is a bad thing. I countered this observation by replying to that thought, "but don't I mouth breath in the most inconspicuous way?" To this proposed idea, I responded as such, "do you remember reading Amy Vanderbilt's Book of Etiquette? Pretending people don't notice mouthbreathing is tantamount to pretending people won't notice blackheads, untrimmed nails or conspicuous nose hairs". So as a part of my plan to improve my image and health, I resolved to keep my nose uncongested and learn to unconsciously always breath through my nose. Plus, I find I can't hear as well with a nose to plugged to resonate sound. When I speak with a stuffed up nose, I begin to sound like a muffled New Englander and I live in the Midwest. So until I buy my Netti pot and learn how to use it, I'm on a steady program of Halls Cough Drop, mentholating my sinus passages.
I wonder if these come in sugar free because it's an overall loss to decongest ones nasal passages and lose ones teeth to decay. The cough drop with the pep talk is another reason to take two cough drops, enjoy them without crushing them under the molars, and then immediately brush ones teeth in the office loo. Each cough drop comes with five peppy sayings, which I share with you now.
- Take charge and mean it. (Ok, gentle readers, Wilbo is in charge. I mean it.)
- The show must go on. Or work. (Or work? Why that little tag on end?)
- Don't try harder. Do harder. (I think this is a corrolary of the Yoda principle.)
- March forward. (Reminds me of T.S. Eliot's line, "Fare Forward".)
- Keep your chin up. (Sage advice. I get a ugly double chin with my chin is down. Chin down = bad as mouth breathing.)
- Turn "can do" to "can did!" (Let me be candid with you. I need to get back to work.)
- Be unstoppable. (Suddenly, my cough drop has become a Landmark Education seminar.)
- Power through! (Preferably, wearing a power tie after a power lunch.)
- Push on! (I though I was powering through. Can I power through and push on and march forward at the same time. Halls believes I can.)
- Don't wait to get started. (I guess that rules out coffee breaks.)
Well then, friends, I have my marching orders to push on and power through without stopping. My life is being run by a cough drop.
Netti Pot Demo
The Urban Dictionary Breaks it Down For Me Again:
My neighbor and my first grade teacher gave me her copy of Amy Vanderbilt's Book of Etiquette. I soon realized that most people around me were not playing by those rules and gave up.
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