Monday, March 16, 2020

An Amtrak Employee Rescues Wilbo from the Lavatory of a Wonky Bus Before the Fumes Overcomes Our Hero.


March 15th, 2020 at 8:13 AM
The Ides of March Have Come, But Not Gone
On the Texas Eagle after departing Poplar Bluff, Arkansas

Luckily, Google Maps downloads to my cell and the location beam reaches the phone, no matter where I am in the United States. So I could tell that our train was running parallel to the Black River. Our train towered above it, tracks elevated over its eastern bank. I could have done a swan dive into the muddy waters, coffee with milk colored. 

A swan dive into waters of uncertain depth means a dangerous leap of faith. Glad the windows of the observation car keep me from an attempt. It's good to see rivers that are full and untamed. Through the San Antonio Riverwalk, the river looks more like a swimming pool than the Black below my perch. I see the Black raising up sand bars and eroding banks. Unfortunately, when a river exercises its water muscles, it can cause great harm, tragic drownings.

I'm having difficulty, though, knowing what to call the land outside this passenger car with a panorama. The hills have begun to roll, arising from the flat furrowed land of first light. Am I now passing through the Ozarks on the way to St Louis? Have we entered the Mark Twain National Forest? The Mississippi River passes between Tennessee and Missouri to our east. We'll follow that river closely as we draw closer to St. Louis, but not long enough or close enough for my druthers. 

I think of my friend Jim, who I nicknamed Jesus, this is Jim because he's a praying man. He lives in Missouri somewhere. I'll send him a text and apologize for failing to come see him personally. If only the Texas Eagle behaved like Uber, making carefree and brief visits possible. I see these small towns, the tiny church next door to the just as tiny funeral parlor and cannot stop. It's more T.V. I think of Lulu, who bought a block in downtown St Genevieve on the Mississippi River and sold antiques and painted on her wide balcony. She and I hung out for the weekend, dined at the nice restaurants and explored the French roots of the city. I've tried to text Jim and Lulu and my cell scoffs, "Check your network connection". This run of the Texas Eagle goes forth without free wireless.

I keep thinking of Hemingway helping to film the Spanish Earth. I have passed through Texas reviewing the Texas Earth, wondering just how Live Oaks could propagate so quickly by acorns, covering the undulating hills like grass. The Arkansas Earth has too many syllables. I wonder if the town Texarkana is really a place where Texans meet to execute secret rituals passed down from the Steve Austin days. I want to ask Amtrak to apologize for putting me on a bus from San Antonio to Fort Worth by giving me a round trip to San Antonio so I can try again.

I see the foundations of a factory on the north fringe of Piedmont, Missouri. Knocking flat the walls brought down the roof but a solid foundation could save time erecting a more modern building on the footprint. The Culinary Institute of Michigan located in downtown Muskegon arose upon the foundation of the Occidental Hotel, which never should have been knocked flat in the first place. The Missouri Rain works slowly but just as effectively as a wrecking ball. I've seen a few houses melting in the rain, a tin roof over the shingle roof, held up by a scaffolding.

A few on the Amtrak staff have grown tired. At Popular Bluff I stepped off to take a TikTok. The station could use a coat of paint; the station sign needs a visit from a sign painter. A bronze marker bolted to the door frame told me what it once was called, but I didn't have to focus. "You need to get back on the train, sir!" The conductor has four people to check in and board. "No smoke breaks until Saint Louis". We're six hours behind schedule!" I decided to stop causing trouble and failed to get a picture of the marker.

I nominate Dan the cafe man as the hero of this Amtrak run. He's my age, fifty-six, and he looks like Christopher Walken. He rode the bus with us from San Antonio, sitting by the charming Barbara. Although I like the comfort of the bus, nicely air conditioned, the loo became a horror because it grew hot and gassy with fumes. I locked the door to be polite and regretted it. I couldn't unlock the door and the fumes made me panic. 

In the heat, my head grew lightheaded and I imagined myself in a grain silo, overcome by methane. Death in a grain silo happens as soon as you fall inside. My body shook. I pulled down on the lock and it wouldn't give. I pulled out the bottle opener, hoping it would give me leverage. Still wouldn't work. I pounded on the door, hoping somebody would realize I was in there before I passed out. "I can't get out of the bathroom". Dan shouted, "Pull up on the lock". I did. It worked. It's amazing how a panic will take away your mind. I went to my seat and my body shuddered for five minutes.

Dan the Amtrak cafe man has politeness so perfected it has become his superpower. Have a handful of hamburgers and sodas? Dan has the time to run it up the stairs to the observation car. Train has fallen six hours behind schedule. Dan's the man on the intercom, offering bottled water and snack packs as a peace offering. I spilled my coffee. I had to insist on cleaning it up. He gave me a fresh cup and made a big ceremony about adding a java jacket. I have a hard time hating on Amtrak for this flawed run from San Antonio to the Illinois prairie because of the courtesy of Dan the man.




Picture credit to Pierre Vogel - www.r7al.ch, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=82626427



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