Sunday, April 5, 2020 at 7:46 AM
Streator, Illinois
Saturday, just yesterday, I braved a shopping trip to Walmart, the superstore in North Streator. A line of fifteen people awaited to enter the store. I took my place six feet behind a woman wearing a surgical mask. To mark the line, Walmart had strung traffic safety pylons with yellow crime scene tape, setting the pylons six feet apart to help us space.
Two friends arrived together and took a place behind me, only three feet away. I felt a little crowded but said nothing. I was determined to be polite, even affable, despite wondering how to bail on this excursion into a public place. I didn't want to be there, but we were running short on food.
The woman in the mask turned to me and said, "I cannot believe it has come to this". I heard her out. I smiled underneath the mask that fogged up my glasses when exhaling. I thought to myself, "It's nothing compared to the line to the gas chambers at Bergen Belsen and a cake walk compared to the Bhutan Death March". We were in rural Illinois standing in a short line, a completely stocked store awaiting us.
"You sound upset", I answered. Actively listening, I acknowledged her feelings. She protested. "I'm standing in line outside Walmart. I can't believe it!" I couldn't either, but I couldn't believe that Walmart's supply chain has outperformed Amazon under the test of a pandemic. Nobody was walking off the job at Walmart. I had heard nothing tragic happening in Walmart's supply chain. Amazon had a well publicized labor struggle on its hands.
Behind me, one of the friends said, "The virus isn't here. We're okay". One could draw that conclusion. Five cases came to light in the Illinois river towns to the north of Streator, Ottawa and LaSalle and Peru. Compared to Chicago or Detroit, we were blessed. "One doesn't know. People travel. All we got right now is social distance and self-isolation", I said without turning around. I wished they were wearing face masks at least.
The woman admitting people to the store had a smile on her face. It was a sunny, slightly brisk day and she stood far enough away from the line to be safe. She had to be hand picked for this job. She seemed more a hostess than a greeter. She admitted everyone in line before me, including the woman with the face mask. I stood behind a clearly marked yellow line and waited.
I waited not more than a minute. "You can go in sir". She admitted the friends and the line was no more. A greeter met me inside the first door, offering me a cart. "Good evening, sir, we have totally sanitized your cart. There's hand sanitizer by the door if you want to clean up". I took the command of the cart and pushed into the store.
I like the Walmart app, but hate the app too. I wouldn't have walked into the store if I could get my full list fufilled by Walmart pickup. I used it once and successfully ordered coconut oil and Bragg's liquid aminos. I walked into pickup and left with my items that night.
But nothing on today's list could be added to cart, which mystified me. So I had to take a turn in the store, which wasn't crowded. I had punched in my list, so I could beeline to my stops, shown on a store map. Couldn't find the organic heavy whipping cream. I bought the house brand instead, half the desired size.
But, yes, the Pyure Liquid Stevia was exactly where it was listed. I found vegan crumbles but skipped the Tofurkey because I wanted to bail as fast as possible. "Lost in the Supermarket", by the Ramones played on the jukebox in my head.
I heard a voice lighting into a shopper, and I couldn't see either person. I eavesdropped and skipped the row where the row was progressing. "Cover your mouth when you cough, darn it. And please keep your distance and don't follow me".
I turned into the spice aisle. I have been working on a comic bit for months, and I tell it to whomever I find in the spice aisle. But I skipped it because of the situation. Neighbors were saying hellos as they passed, but I didn't know anybody. "Hey, do you know why they call this the variety aisle"? "I dunno. Why do they call this the variety aisle"? "Because variety is the spice of life".
Before the pandemic, people always played along and the stupid bit always got a laugh. But today, it felt tense. People were probably waiting outside, needing to shop for a family with kids. My joke could wait for the duration.
I noticed a parent on an Amigo scooter, assisted by an adult child, who picked items off the shelf for the basket. The two stood close to one another as parent and child would. Maybe the handicapped could just get free deliveries of all items, no matter the order size? Why did Walmart deny free delivery to the handicap? I admired the helper and the courage of the shopper, but kept my thoughts to myself.
Checkout took no time at all. Blue signs showed me where to stand six feet behind the only shopper in the line, who was paying. The clerk looked upbeat, smiling behind an extensive spray shield. I put my items on the line as she sanitized the divider from the conveyor belt.
She had my order placed in bags in no time, rung up and ready. I thanked her for being there to help. "I love my job", she said. I fumbled with the app because I wanted to use twenty-six dollars in gift certificates I had loaded. I had used gift certs for the pickup order. "Use Walmart Pay. It'll call up a QR Code", she offered.
I tried. Every time I clicked Walmart Pay, it made me log email and password. Didn't throw an error. Wouldn't show a QR code. I tried logging into Walmart Pay three times. Wouldn't work. I changed my password, which was quick and easy. "I'm sorry using Walmart Pay is taking so long".
"It's okay. I don't have anyone in line" she stretched. Right on cue, the next customer arrived and unloaded onto the conveyor belt. Stood three feet from me. I pulled out my bank card, paid with that, not what I wanted to do. Why hit my cash when I have Walmart currency? I thought, "Are emailed gift certificates worthless at the register"? I said a goodbye and made my way to the exit and to the car.
I forgot the avocado oil mayo. I see it's available for pickup but I can't add it to the online cart. One more trip to Walmart might be required.
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