Thursday, November 11, 2004 15:23 PM
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
A. Early language acquisition: If grass seed sprouts into grass, bird
seed sprouts into an bird. I guess eggs are really bird seed.
B. Paradox. If birds grow from bird seed, you can't feed birds bird
seed.
I had amnesia once -- maybe twice.
A. Definition: Amnesia = Forgetting.
B. Yogi Berraism: Such as, "Change is accelerating, but only so fast."
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
A. Allusion: If you know the song "I left my heart in San Francisco", you can get the joke.
B. Gross Image: Listener imagines heart on ground in San Francisco.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
A. Pun: Mass has meaning of scientific weight and Catholic cermony.
B. Religion Vs. Science Tension:
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
A. Noble begging: we'll give anyone a chance, except when it comes to large sums of money.
B. Anti-Bromide: Most old saws that sound like sour grapes are begging for a comic to turn them around.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A. Definition: Ambidextrous is free and easy use of right and left
limbs.
B. Three Wishes Gotcha: Be careful what you wish for.
C. Gross Imagery: Imagine man giving over right arm, and then imagine his frustration when he can't use his gift of ambidexterity.
D. Cliche phrase renewed: Old phrased turned upon itself is perked up.
If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
A. Imagery: Imagine silliness of man riding side saddle.
B. Allusion: Lady Godiva rode side saddle.
C. Sexual Component: Why would men not ride bare backed? Ohhh she says when imagination kicks in.
D. Ridiculous Proof: Wanna know why the world isn't logical?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
A. Redundancy: Free + Gift = Free + (Free + Object)
B. Annoyance: Comic and audience has heard this too many times.
C. Superiority: Some people didn't have Rhetoric 101.
They told me I was gullible..... and I believed them.
A. Blind Squirrel: As is even the blind squirrel gets a nut (reminds
me of my love life !) For once, he's right.
B. Definition: Gulliblity requires believing other people.
C. No Respect: People say / do the nastiest things to the comic.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
A. Changing Times: Manners from era before L.A. Freeway.
B. Immanuel Kant: (But Kubla Khan !) or Nice Guys Finish Last.
C. Imagery: Imagine nice, polite guy saying "after you, after you" on
the median strip.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
A. Old Phrase Made New: Experience is the school-mistress of fools.
B. Paradox: If everything, like food, is gone, what good is experience?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
A. Infinite Regress: But that is a hypothetical question, but all hypothetical questions are not gone ... But imagine that they are ... Then I can't ask this question .... down down down into the worm hole.
One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
A. Defintion: Egoists think only of themselves. If you don't think about other people, then you can't talk about them.
B. Virtue vs Vice: Every vice taken to its extreme produces at least one good outcome.
C. Silver Lining: Egotists as dark cloud.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
A. Reductio Ad Absurdum: when you take away current, what do you got?
B. It's Typical: Cell phones are always discharged when you need them.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
A. History & Nostalgia: We were great in the past. Right?
B. No such thing as a stupid question: So if this is a question, I'm pressured to take it seriously ... NOT !
C. Old Phrase Made New: Surely we can think of something old and as good a sliced bread. Begs question: so what was the greatest thing since sliced bread?
D. Time Play: Time moves forward and backwards and nothing stays the same.
I'm off to get a life. Wilbo
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