Monday, August 25, 2014

Wilbo Doubles Up When He Should Single Out Better Eating Habits.

The animals sought refuge upon Noah's Ark two by two. Two is company, and three is a crowd. We have a ready name for two of anything, and better than a single is a double. So, I've learned from my consumerist culture to ask for double, double meat or a double, two shots served in a single glass, to be quaffed on the double. So, I'll order two cheeseburgers at the drive-through, request two Italian sausages at the street vendor, ask for two plain doughnuts and a double double coffee at Tim Horton's. That's two sugars and two creams. I am eating twice as much, drinking twice as much, and it happens automatically.

Tonight is fairly typical. I arrive for half-price appetizers after Nine PM, and I order two Scotch Eggs, double the food for the same price. As seductive as the chance to double up is the offer to Bogo, buy one and get one free. The smarter diners conscious about their weight would take one of the two home for later or for a lover.

Why do I Bogo? Well Yolo. You only live once.

Tonight's plan is to greet the bartender's next visit with a request for ice water. Oddly, that visit happened when I hit the last period. He asks me if I want my check, making passing on a second beer a small event. I thank him for his attentive service. I shall double his tip, which is another kind of excess by multiplication. However, the waitstaff here are worth it. Tipping these young men & women well has paid off handsomely.

I have begun to catch myself when doubling up automatically. It gives me the chance to halve my order and order one doughnut, one red hot, one fried egg. My body doesn't require so much now, and my digestive system to my circulatory system will certainly thank me. Maybe I'll live twice as long as my current age, which will make me a centurion. I'll sleep sixteen hours at the rest home, twice as much as a healthy middle age adult requires.

The bartender has just refilled my water. It's a mile to cycle home, and a rambling route could make it two, double the exercise. I am planning on taking two aspirins.

Will Juntunen

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